Now Mary

Now Mary, I reckon if you get in the back like a good girl...we can go back to the station and you can have a nice bed for the night, whaddya think?”
I asked the heavyset woman who was standing, legs apart and firmly planted. There was a bemused look on her dark face and I knew despite her drunkenness, she was finding my dilemma amusing. The idea of loading this belligerent, drunken woman into the back of a Police van was not one I relished.
I sighed...here we go... she’s not getting in the back without a bloody struggle. Her next comment confirmed it for me...
“I’m not puckin’ goin’ anywhere girlie... so you can piss off”.
I reached out and gripped her huge upper arm momentarily, before she shrugged me off with the ease of swatting off a fly.
“Yep this definitely isn’t going to work...
I cast a weary eye over the damp, filthy, sweaty mismatched shirt and skirt she was wearing,“ I need a plan B without a struggle, I thought now...’cos I am not getting close to that lot and having to sit in a stinking uniform for the rest of the evening”. My new partner, John had moved away to clear out the other drunks from the area in his formal, awkward manner and I noticed Mary eyeing him off.
“Hey... he’s new eh?”
Swaying, Mary slurred her question at me, sucking back on her spittle as she ran her tongue over her huge lips. It was hard to tell if they had always been so large naturally or whether they had simply become deformed through countless fights. Most likely, the latter - I thought idly watching young John politely shooing the other drinkers away. I abruptly dismissed my musings as an answer came to me.
“Tell you what Mary, we been watching you for a while fighting and he’s pretty impressed with you, reckons you can fight real good one eh”.
Mary stopped swaying and stared hard at me for a second
“What... he likes me?” she slurred again.
A flicker of pride started to cross her face now.
“Yep”
I reassured her while I looked around to make sure John had not moved back into earshot, then leaning forward, I lowered my voice as the pungent stench of not washing and a solid day on the grog, filled my nostrils.
“Yep Mary”, I went on, ignoring the fact my eyes were starting to water, “He’s pretty young too eh, probably be pretty nice to you if you are a good girl”.
Her bleary eyes widened,
“Haaay, he’s alright too ‘eh, cute...maybe you like him, you gotta bloke”?
She hesitated good-naturedly with all the consideration a close friend.
“Nah Mary, I reckon he likes you ‘eh”. I responded to her concerns.
“I think he might like aboriginal girls ‘eh, but you gotta ssshhh ‘eh, you can’t be telling everyone out loud, he’s new and he’s bit shy”.
Mary grinned broadly, swaying again and swiping her finger to her lips briefly, blowing spittle onto it and attempting to wink.
“Hey that’s alright girlie”, she reassured me, “I’ll be bit shy too hey... at first!”
She chortled at her last remark and made a beeline for the back of the Police van.
I rushed to get ahead of her to open the cage door before she did it herself.
"All aboard Mary", I said, as I swung the door wide.
“I reckon” she replied “Let’s go!”

The van rattled noisily down Paterson Street as we headed towards the Station watch-house. Mary, in heightened anticipation was determined to be heard above the racket. With ears well tuned to the local vernacular, I tried to distract John's attention away from Mary's loud, raucous broadcast to all and sundry who would listen along the way, "I'm gonna get pucked, I'm gonna get pucked"!
There were a few good natured cheers and whistles as she made herself clear to the numerous friends and relatives gathered outside the main street's two pubs.

"What's she saying?" John quizzed me now.
"No clue" I lied.
"I can't quite make it out" he continued and started to roll his window down.
"Don't worry about it, she thinks she is getting dinner, I told her we might have one spare".
He laughed and rolled the window back up and applauded my feigned ingenuity,
"Well I suppose if it works".

I smiled back and said nothing.

I swung the van easily into the station yard outside the watch house. Did the customary reversal up close to the door and watched in awe as John scuttled out of the van to open the back. It was a 'bloke thing' they all had going. Beetle out of the car and around to the back like their bloody lives depended on it! All the new ones seem to do it. It was like having to work with a young, more senior female was the epitome of injustice and affront to their male egos and they were somehow trying to make me look inept by getting the door open first. I knew from the demeanour it wasn’t simply good manners.

Ah well, this fact was simply going to work my way tonight.

"Hang on" I called, as I hastened to the back of the car, but John in his clipped, no-nonsense manner, already had the door bolt in his hand, mumbling "It's alright I've got it!"

"You bloody bet you have", I murmured under my breath as John slipped the latch to his fate.

Mary, right on queue unleashed herself in full flight…"Gib me a kiss!" she demanded as she flattened John to the concrete, her huge body spread eagled across the top of him.

"Hmmn, nice landing, right on target" I thought.. "and good use of flaps" I added in my mind as I saw her great lips pucker up in anticipation.

"Jesus, get her off me!" John screamed, whipping his head from side to side to avoid Mary's romantic advances.

"Bugger, now that is ugly, you gotta feel sorry for him I thought".

It was no good, I was laughing too hard now, tears were filling my eyes.

"I would John", I finally managed to hiccup out, "but Hell I think I have to go to the toilet before I wet myself!"

"You bloody bitch, you bloody bitch" was all he could say as I helped heave her off him.

"But I like you!", Mary wailed in assurance to John as we shoved her towards the watch house.

"Fuck off Mary", I countered, "can't you see he has changed his mind".

I was still laughing and somehow through the booze and blear Mary had caught the joke.

"Well Lub, you always know where to find me, if he changes it again", she chortled as she marched herself into the Watch house reception.

"Welcome to Tennant Creek John", I giggled.

"Fuck off" came the reply.

"No sense of humour" I thought later when I found I was 'persona non grata' amongst the male sympathisers at the Police club for the next month.